I am a winner, because of you.

They say that sometimes the most powerful experiences in life come at the most unexpected times. You are completely blown away and awe struck.

This happened to me, and I want to tell you what happened. I was invited to a local NGO to facilitate the last session of a two month support group they had been running for nine women who were victims of domestic violence. I was with them for two hours and the little time I spent with them created a shift in my inner self. This experience really touched me.

The session started off with some activities on assertiveness and problem solving. It was fun with bouts of unstoppable laughter to add to the reverie. They shared their stories, their fears, lingering questions and they were open and honest about their lives. Being a therapist, this inspired me to continue to serve people . Today revealed another side to mental health, human suffering and most importantly to human strength.

The highlight of the session were the kindness activities and the gratitude call. The kindness activity involved the members of the support group taking initiative and demonstrating kindness in their own little way towards the staff of the same NGO. They spoke to people they'd never spoken to before and the entire atmosphere of the building changed. There were smiles all around and the staff were genuinely happy. The sense of confidence displayed by all nine women was amazing. What a bright spark to my day! Beautiful!

The whole idea of looking outside of yourself, at someone else, and being kind to someone else was further etched in my heart after watching them doing small acts of kindness. One of the group members said ' no matter what you might be going through, being kind to someone else does shed light on our lives'. It helps embrace the world beyond you and your suffering. This really did open my eyes. I felt like there was growth for me as a therapist and a human being. You always grow vicariously through the people you encounter in your life's journey, no matter where in your life, you might meet them.

It was nearly time for the session to come to an end and for me there was no better way to end it than with a gratitude call, just to say thank you to someone who has helped you along the way. The women were a bit unsure at first but out came their mobile phones and they dialled numbers of family members, friends etc who have contributed to their lives in any little way. All nine calls were so genuine and moving and this really touched my heart and brought tears into my eyes. Some of the women cried while expressing their gratitude to their loved one's and those tears were filled with love and thankfulness. They were real tears, spilt by tired eyes, but coaxed by rejuvenated hearts.

I bow down with respect and gratitude to all nine women in the support group and to thousands of women who are battered, violated and humiliated in Sri Lanka, but who have brave and courageous hearts. I bow to each and everyone of you with utmost humility and gratitude.

You are all my teachers. May you all be well,happy and peaceful. 

A night I'll remember however hazy it was

OMG (blonde style), I am so happy today, high on sugar and tea.

I went to transit, in a normal mood state, not high, not low, somewhere in the middle, but when I sat at the table with Nandini, Vaishnavi, Pandey and Amurutho, WOW! It was a whole new start to the evening that was nearly over.

We started singing Beatles songs, all what we knew, at the top of our voices, and then Pandey and I did our rendition of Oh Holy night, and then Nandi and I sang Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, and then we laughed our guts out, for no reason, most of the time. It was fantastic.

Then, came the drawing part. I had three recycled papers (courtesy CSA) with me and also crayons. So out they came, and I began to draw and then followed Pandey with his psychedelic, trippy drawing and Natasha with a scenic picture of mountains, boats, water and at the back of the paper, a girl who looked kind of pissed off! Her eyebrows said it all. She had to make it more abstract by attaching flowers to various parts of the girl's face. Still, a lovely drawing. I drew a beach scene, and then went nuts with different colours and different emotions. It was crazy.

Then we sang again.

Then, we walked down to SG Palya singing at the top of our voices and cracking weird jokes. (culprits: N and N).

Chai Point: Two glasses of dum chai with loads of sugar, thus another sugar rush. WOW!!! FABULOUS!!!!

In conclusion (exam style), I just so totally Love my friends from EPS and PSECO!

I am so happy!!!!

Peace and love and hugs and blueberry cheese cake smiles!!!!

It was a wonderful night.

I went to watch a friend and her band play today. Wow! I was moved, the songs were just so beautifully sung, and such talented musicians. Guitars, percussion, harmonica.

It was a wonderful night. That's all I can say.

A run in with the police!!!

9.30 pm- Crash! Loud Sound, a moment to react.

A timeless zone- Running towards two men down, shouting orders, checking vitals.

Oh! the men turn out to be policemen. (other policemen flocking around).

Policemen stop Tuk Tuk, try to dump the unconscious one in.
( broken arm, head injury, suspected spinal damage, but breathing). so,NO!

Traffic policemen advised to call for an ambulance through his radio. Futile!

Loss of Faith in Ambulance.

Traffic policemen with whistles and authority advised to stop vehicle, to shift
both law enforcement officers to hospital. Profanity needed to send the
message through.

Futile attempt to stop a Toyota Hi Ace. Man just drives through.

Finally, a lorry/truck.

Back door opened. Conscious casualty shifted. ( Half severed left foot, head
injury).

Unconscious casualty shifted on command with head support (courtesy a helpful
bystander), note- the policemen, flocking around. Turned into recovery position.
The only position possible with the twisted broken arm.

Interesting: A doctor came over to the back of the lorry/truck,( I am a doctor,
the legs should be put like this). Sigh..What Relief!!!

Que: Would you come with us? ( shouting).
Ans: Are you mad? How can I leave my girlfriend and come?( there goes the
dear doctor). Bless his soul.

We finally move on. One policemen, accompanying just for fun!

On the way to accident ward ( Colombo General Hospital), vitals checked,
conscious casualty reassured.

Bleeding of the unconscious casualty controlled with policeman's handkerchief.
What Love!

Arrival. Through the gates, screams for two stretchers. The attendants come,
slow pace, one of them requested to get in to the lorry to help out. The good man
did get in. A army man helped. Shifted both casualties.

One wheeled into resuscitation unit ( sadly don't know what happened to him).

The other wheeled into the general section. ( keeps trying to look up to see the
extent to which his left foot is severed). He is held down.

Nurse advices splinting. Wound washed with saline.

I am chased away.


Time Check- 10.10 pm, back to where it all happened.

Well, that's it. Life returned back to normalcy after a while, but the images still run
fresh in my head.

Set Dhosa, Queen and lumberjack rantings.

I was sitting in Sri Raghavendra Cafe, and having a hot milk coffee and set dhosa for dinner. I was listening to Queen the whole time, and it was strangely a very soothing companion for those few minutes that I was eating. There was a vegetarian mix curry and coconut chutney, which I devoured. It is quite fascinating how good music makes even the most routine task like eating, a pleasurable one.

I was walking back, breathing in the cool night air, looking at the rather cloudy sky, feeling the cool wind brush against my skin, the music lulling me, to a hazy state.

I entered through the grilled gates, to the place I now call home, which again will be only for another 5 months and then out I venture again. I was still listening to music.

I unlocked my door, I was still listening to music...

I entered, removed my wallet and phone from my pocket, I was yet listening to music...

Here, I sat in front of my computer, again, music in my ears...Don Mclean this time.

Wherever I go, there is music. My soul replenishes it self, my body finds energy in the music I listen to, it is embodied in my mind. My father played the guitar and sang for me when I was floating in amniotic fluid, and thereafter, a major part of my life, it was all music.

Music... It lives in me, it nurtures me.

Well Hello!!!

I am getting off the blog scene for a little while, so till I come back, Adios! Hasta Luego!

Slam dunk in Egerøya.

Slam dunked my entire body into +2 cold water in a lake here in Egersund.It was a beautiful experience but very cold. There were huge ice cubes just like in a fridge,which I have not seen in a water body before. It was a in and out thing,just went in, dunked my whole body in and ran back out. It was also quite cool,how fast we warmed up after that. That was a very Norwegian thing to do.

Also, Karl Johan's uncle took us out on a motor boat trip out to sea. It was lovely,pretty big waves, bouncing us about. We had lifevests on though. It was a nice trip. It felt just like home.

It's holiday time

Its funny how I have loved everyplace I have been in during holidays in Norway. Elverum had it's own charm and it was a quiet little place with beautiful nature. The trees lovley in the late days of Autumn, the flowers so pretty and the water in front of Alfred's house inviting. It was cold then and its cold now,but it's still delightful. Random hugs, a few beers here and there.great movies and a nice mother who made delicious lasangna and chocolate cake. It was indeed a lovely holiday. Oslo was also an experience with Alfred's father and his apartment. I still remember the pure sound of his Gibson guitars and the cluttered atmosphere of a talented artist's house. It was nice to joke around and talk to him and his Risotto was fantastic.

Inderøya on it's own was also very warm and comforting to celebrate christmas. Anders and his loving dog Teo made my few days before christmas so nice. It was nice to have the doggy sleep in my bed so I could cuddle him. I took him for a walk and it was funny to watch him fight with Ubaldo's dog,or at least his family's dog. He was a cute little fellow.Anders's Reindeer dish was delicious and we watched some movies together and he took me on the Golden route to see the farm houses. Det var jo spennende. Adolphe,Sigri,Bahoue,Michael and Louise were also kind to me and I did have a good time there,playing cards,eating chocolate and going for walks.

Frøya!!! It ranks top on the list so far. My mom in Norway resides in this beautiful,scenic Island called Frøya,3 hours by boat from Trondhiem. She is not going to be too happy reading this,if she ever does,because the word mom does not digest well with her.But she is a Mommy!!! She is 24 and studies psychology and wants to shift to physiotherapy soon. It was a lovely time in Frøya, with her family. I went fishing with my mom,her boyfriend,on his company boat and caught six fish. It was exciting. We also went sightseeing a bit,and learning to ski with momma and Stine was also fun. I fell on my butt many times but it was fun learning it. She was there all along. Kayaking was also something I will always remember about Frøya. She was there again,this time taking the role of the rescue diver,but I managed fine. It was cool kayaking in the little bay in front of her house. Other than that,the random conversations,the fish and the other delicious chow, the numerous movies, Yatsy,and all the love,I will never forget it. It was a fantastic holiday.

And...now,I am in Egersund,near Stavanger with a dear friend,Karl Johan. He is a miljø freak as Katarina put it. A nice, caring guy with a big heart. This is a stunning place with water everywhere,lots of greenery and it feels like being in Nuwaraeliya in Sri Lanka. We visited Katarina yesterday,grilled hot dogs in a park,drank hot chocolate at her home and just lazed around. Another good friend. It's back to Katarina tomorrow.

The Calling.

A wet Saturday morning, rain pouring down hard, a gloomy sky empty with no birds around; we met and shook hands in greeting. This was not the first time, and I always looked at him with respect and care. We waited for the rest and then we began a journey into the humble, sweet terrain of a beautiful village. It’s not just a village, but a home, a place of quiet and cogitation.Hence; we enter the welcoming premise of love, of belonging and of pride. A fresh cup of steaming tea is given, and it is received with utmost delight. There is nothing like it, the sound of cows mooing, monkeys scattering about, and the trees whispering lovely secrets to each other. Heavenly!

We are summoned, into another place of learning, of mischief, of innocent laughter and of love. The room is filled with endless banter, the little man cubs, scurrying around, filling the void between us. The women offer us freshly baked delicacies, the children offer us their love, and endless.It was surreal.

Lunch awaits us, in our hall of fame. He and I did not have our lunch with us, nor did the other lovely people, the guardians of our beliefs, our commitment and our longing for change. We motor across to a neighboring village for lunch, which was simple yet extravagant. The very simplicity of sitting in a tiny boutique and eating food full of humility and humbleness makes you want to stay. The cool wind blowing lightly in your face while you eat, light discourse and sharing, it all makes it an experience everlasting.

Put put put, we move on, he in front and I at the back, and our guardians behind us. We ride and we ride, and I land on the brown sandy ground, he on the tar. Two dogs crossed our path, and that was destiny calling us. He in a deep stupour, vomit spewed everywhere, began to cry. I cannot even imagine the pain, the fear, the dread. He was back on track, but slipping out ever so often. I turned him, his vomit drained out. Our guardian, an angel from the depths of humanity reached us, and it felt so relieving to have some in charge. She howled the moment she saw him, back in his state, away from the world. A question arose. Is he gone? That is all that came.

We rushed him, the auto rickshaw ran out of gas, but they replaced it, we rushed him. An injection was given, his wounds cleaned with sticky yellow wound cleaner, and no stretcher to shift him to the bed. But we managed. He was lapsing in and out, in and out, out and in. The guardian angel and I just sat silently, willing him to come out of his daze, to talk, to laugh. Maybe, we were asking for too much. He had to be transported to the realms of urban medicine, and so he was, in a rickety ambulance, with me pressing the siren button, all the way through. I was mute throughout, the driver cursing everyone on the street; we drove past traffic signals, narrowly avoiding another catastrophe. The siren went on and on and on. The journey ended, with him vomiting as if a latch was released in his stomach. It was a bad sign and I knew it, and so did my most passionate friend. He was again examined, and then finally a decision was made to move him once again, because the scanner had wanted a break, so here we go again, another amazingly rickety ambulance, this time with no lights or siren, he finally was taken care of. We cried for him, in anguish and in fear, but hope still lay aground.

A green gown, a shaved head, monitors beeping near his feet; he was taken in for scans after scans after scans. A clot, internal bleeding, affecting his normal functioning, well he was wheeled in again, this time for mechanical procedures. They cut him open, and that’s all.

2.00am, Sunday morning, he is wheeled out, and he could talk, sighs of relief all around. Intensive care is all what he needed and they made sure he got it. My beloved friend and I went off home, withered and dry. He made it, my fears were negated, he fought it, and he won. I love him for that.

Queer Pride

One Two Three Four Open up the closet door,

Five Six Seven Eight Don’t assume your kids are straight.

 

 The Queer pride march held on the 28th of June 2009, was synonymous of the above jingle. It was a free spirited fight against the section 377 of the Indian penal code, which criminalizes homosexuality in India. It was a gay event filled with colour, music, and dance and love. There was a carnival atmosphere present in the entire march and an air of cheerful protest was also part of the general ambience.

 

  Rainbow colored flags and banners, top hats, umberellas and lovely T-shirts with meaningful quotes; it was such a beautiful march. Faces painted with dainty hearts to lovely flowers, the whole march had so much of meaning attached to it. It was a day where the "queer" community in Bangalore came out of their closets and actually portrayed to the rest of the world, the equality between them and the so called ' straight' community. They were so graceful and free flowing in every aspect. The word "love" was emphasized on a great deal. My friend and I went for the march mainly because he wanted to take pictures and I just wanted to see what it is all about. We were very much carried away the instant we reached the National College grounds in Basavanagudi.We were just blown away with the spirit that encircled each one of us. It was a mind blowing, to say the least.

 

  The ground was filled with reporters from various news channels, homosexuals, lesbians, bi-sexuals, hijra’s, kothi’s, doubledekkers and a great many from the 'straight' community. This was very encouraging. It felt heartening to know that many youngsters in Bangalore actually do support the rights of the queer community and they really were in union with the community, showing no sense of disgust or fear. There were also plenty of people from different NGO’s like Sangama etc. The sex workers union of Bangalore also attended the pride march, which was again commendable, considering the amount of exploitation and ridicule they are put through.

                  

   The harmless insanity, the growing vibrancy and the sense of humanity all coexisted to create a fabulous march of protest as well as celebration. It was a celebration of their lives, of their courage and of love. Hugs and kisses were endless and not one sign of violence or threat. I felt so at peace after a very long time in Bangalore. There was so much of genuine love and warmth floating in the air and it was exhilarating to breathe in all of that. It was awe striking to see the hijra’s dancing to everlasting beats. They are so graceful in their movements, so soft spoken, and so beautiful. I danced with one transsexual at the end of the march near the town hall and it was an experience that brought about so much of pride in me, so much of self confidence and finally it brought about change. They were dressed in lovely shades of pink, blue and red, adding so much more color than there already was. I was awe struck from the moment I entered in their midst. I met so many people on the way and none of them hesitated to offer their friendship and to offer most importantly their love, which always is infinite.

 

My T-shirt read, “I’d be gay for you”. I felt so proud of the fact that I was really supporting them and being with them on this very important day.

Now to look at Section 377 and what it holds for the gay community, it makes sex dirty, carnal and sometimes gruesome. The section was laid down in the Indian penal code by Lord Macaulay in 1860 and it is very much rooted in Victorian sensibility.

 

It reads,

 

“Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal shall be punished with imprisonment for life or with imprisonment of either description of term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to a fine”.

 

  The section criminalizing homosexuality denies them the rights to marriage, adopting children, pensions, housing, and yes, their fundamental rights.

 

“Labels are for filing, labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people.

 

 Martina Navratilova, US tennis player.

 

 Once a queer is labeled, his or her opportunities for employment become very bleak and some even say it is a contagious disease and that the legalization would homosexuality and sodomy. A homosexual becomes a homosexual by choice, and it is most often genetics that play a role here. One does not become a gay just because another gay touched him or her. All this hue and cry is a load of hogwash.

 

 Coming to the lives of transsexuals, the police often use the section to harass and abuse them even though they do not come under it. They are often arrested, humiliated and sometimes molested or even raped. The section is only for homosexuals. It does not state anything about transsexuals or other sexual minorities. So why ill treat them? Shouldn’t they be protected, given rights, and respected?

 

 To dwell on the history of queer pride, it all began on the night of June 28, 1969, when fully armed squads of the New York Police Department [NYPD] raided the Stonewall inn, an obscure pub in Greenwich Village in New York that was a regular hang out spot for gays. They questioned and humiliated many of the gays in the pub and thereafter ‘queer pride’ began to spread through towns, through regions, to countries and finally to the world.

 

 Talk about a revolution man! Section 377, is no more for consenting homosexual relationships. It is still a crime for the under aged though. Lets not give up, let’s keep fighting, supporting the community, encouraging them every step of the way, after all they deserve the freedom.

  

Saline and Cough Syrup

I fell ill. Monday was just another day and I went happily to college. I had a bit of a cough but I didnt bother too much about it. I felt really weak in the first hour itself and then my body gave me a signal that it needed some quick treatment or it would pack up. So, Arun my good mate almost dragged me to hospital in an auto. I couldnt walk so he had to practically pull me down three stories. I ended up in the emergency room at Sagar Apollo and this stupid doctor asked me whether I drink or smoke.[ Thats India for you]. The physician came over and checked me out and put a wierd wooden tongue depressor inside my mouth and asked me to make various animalistic sounds. So,one decent doctor finally decided to put me on the drip. Ah!it was the golden moment. My body almost thanked him. So,the nurse inserted a canula and the drip began to flow, [ooooohhh!!!what a heavenly feeling]. Arun was with me right along and he was a great source of strength. He took care of all the logistics.

Now comes the spicy moment of my stay in hospital. They wheel in this woman who's heart has stopped. So they begin CPR and it was such an experience watching it. It was like a movie. Being a first aider my self it was an insightful experience. The monitors were making all these wierd noises and I have to admit,I was scared for the woman. The doctor almost lost hope and informed the family that they will try for 45 minutes to revive her and after that there is no hope. They eventually detected a faint heart beat and the woman was alive. Thank god. So that adventure ended there. Arun took me home and his mom gave me rice, curd and beans and then I went home. Now I am on horlicks and eating like a pig.

A Day of Self Indulgence.

We did not have college yesterday as it was a faculty development programme. We were supposed to have band practice but it got cancelled. So there came an opportunity to pamper my self. I went to forum and bought a ticket for "Get Smart"[its a movie]. I went to one of my favourite Chinese restaurants and had steamed chicken momo,paneer Manchurian and fried rice.mmm...delicioso.I went back to forum and watched "Get Smart" with a large coke at hand.It was hilarious. The movie was so good. The movie ended and I went to Star Bazaar and got a new flash drive[it does come in handy for assignments]. Now comes the best part of the day. BLOSSOMS!!!! and yes.I did go there. I bought around 5 books and I did have a great time browsing through the store for about an hour. I was so happy to be amongst books. I do have some 14 books to read. The thought of it makes me want to bounce on my bed.[no pun intended].So after Blossoms I was walking down brigade road and I thought I saw someone familiar at a clothes store and it was Swathi. So i hung out with her and then met up with Mohan and the three of us took a rick back to college and then swathi left in her bat mobile and Mohan and I lugged his heavy bag all the way to his room in S.G.Palya.We then went for a walk and got an ice cold 7up and that did make us feel very much alive. College called out to us and we went for a walk but now,we have lost the privilege of walking around campus at night because a lousy girls hostel has opened.So that liberty is lost. We then went to this awesome restaurant near JNC and Mohan had curd rice and I had my second 7up,three tandoori rottis and some wierd chicken.The food was out of this world. Mohan and I both had fun gobbling up everything. We then started walking back and broke into a conversation about religion and god,and it was very interesting. So we said our goodbyes and i got a rick and headed home. It was a blessing of a day.I realized that self indulgence is the way to go sometimes. It makes you think and reflect. It was an awesome day.

Good morning!!

Ahh!!!It is finally the end of the week and two days break from Sheila Mathews!!YIPEE!! There is no college tommorow as it is a faculty development programme. Have to start band practice for Darpan and also put up flyers for CSA. It was an eventful week,full of exhaustion and sweat. I am planning on fixing some gears to my cycle as my legs feel as if they are about to snap.Riding uphill is really tough but its good to feel the burn. I get a tiffin for dinner now.So much of nutrition packed in it.Finally. But I do miss my chicken momo's and Maaza. Yenyways I am off to class.

SHOPPINGGGGG!!!

I went to Brigade road to buy books today.It was so much fun browsing at Blossoms, the coolest store around.The prices are brilliant. I bought Hegemony or Survival By Chomsky,Interpreter of Maladies by Jumpha Lahiri, All my Sons for college..by Arthur Miller. It was a hanging out day,with two Goans and one Keralite AKA a Malayali. We had great food and it was really a bonding day. I watched two girls get their ears peirced for the first time..and [I felt your pain,ladies.]The surface anasthesia used was pretty interesting to observe. The tears in one girls eyes who got her nose pierced was quite daunting. It was all an experience as one of the Goan girls said. Then we went to Dubai plaza and I brought two bandanas[not to wear] but to display them in my room as I am a colour freak. One was with Che guvera and the other with the Nazi sign. It does add more colour and make life a bit more stimulating. The girls were checking out lingerie..and.... I wasnt around to observe!!!!!!!

A new year

College started.. Got two awesome teachers for psychology. The other subjects have good teachers,but for sociology we have a perfectionist. She really does believe in 100% disicipline and it gives the class an atmosphere of a Japanese concentration camp. But we 2nd years still manage to stay out of trouble which is a good sign. The freshers came in today and it felt good watching them because we could reminice about our first day at college. We were almost wicked in rushing in to their class and annoying them..but its all a part of good spirits and tradition I guess. Otherwise life is quite appealing these days. On a personal note, I have lost alot of weight and become more fit. The real running around is yet to come. I have not bunked any classes yet but plan on doing so soon[ not sociology]. It is really nice to see so much enthusiasm in all my classmates as this year has a great deal to offer. Its going to be quite turbulent as well. That is all apart of the game. Its been a great GIG so far.